Boris Johnson’s Government Fail to Sing Happy Birthday Twice Whilst Washing Coronavirus Hands


First it was Prime Minister Boris Johnson. Then, of all people Health Secretary Matt Hancock. Then Chief Medical Officer of England, Prof Chris Whitty. Now, Boris Johnson’s Chief Advisor Dominic Cummings, who was last seen running from Downing Street the other Friday, no doubt engaged in a heroic mission to save the country.


All of them have tested positive for Coronavirus. Covid-19. Novel Coronavirus.

And what could it be that has arrived us to a point where the UK Government is dropping out of a society that now does exist, to self isolate?

These are, of course, highly intelligent men, so it would go without saything that their restroom hygiene is obvioulsy without reproach, even though the names Hancock, Cummings (and Boris Johnson with his BJ initials,) may give rise to unfair suspicions. They certainly aren’t stupid enough to transgress social distancing etiquette, so what is the one variable left that can’t be easily measured in the scenario?


You’ve guessed it, they’ve been failing to sing Happy Birthday the required two times whilst cleaning their mitts. Thats’s right, after repeating their own advice to sing the ditty adnauseum, our lords and masters have allegedly, according to sources, only been singing Happy Birthday once in their heads, if at all, whilst washing their meat pumpers.

Dirty bastards. They make my skin crawl.

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